There is this horrible trap you can fall into that is very common in our society, the comparison cycle. You look around at everyone around you and can get obsessed with comparing yourself to others, constantly.
We have been raised to think that WHAT we have equals WHO we are as a person. The material things, the skills, our looks, our abilities are all things that we think define us and make us worthy in the eyes of others. How other people see us becomes the mirror that tells us what you are like and who you are. The ego’s sense of worthiness is usually tied up with the worth you see in those around you.
When you compare yourself to others you are strengthening your ego. If you say “I am smarter than that person” you are strengthening your ego and pumping up how intelligent you see yourself. Or you might say something in the reverse that lessens your ego “I guess I am not pretty/cool/fun enough for that person” which is still a way to define yourself but in a negative way.
Both situations are just playing with ego– boosting it up or deflating it. Where you want to be is just even– in the middle. Accepting of where you are and where the other person is. Comparing yourself to those around you is a constant cycle of feeding your ego and whether you are better or less than someone.
Stopping it is about acceptance. Accepting how other people are but more importantly accepting how YOU are. You don’t need to change them and you don’t need to change who you are for someone else. You are good enough as is. And if there is a place you would like to improve or grow as a person, then take this as an opportunity to find those areas and work on them. Work on them for you, not for someone else to think you are good enough.
Exercise/ Watch Out:
Beware of friends who fuel your comparison cycle vs friends who support and provide a reality check. Its easy to get caught in the friend drama of looking at all those people around you at the office or the bar and commenting on who you know– comparing yourselves with others.
Check your thoughts when you come across someone that you find impressive versus someone who you don’t think is very impressive. Do you immediately say in your head “whoa, look at that outfit, its awful” or are you at the gym thinking “her body is amazing, I look like crap compared to her”.
Replace any negative thought or comparison with this phrase right after “I am accepting of who I am and those around me.” Doing this repeatedly will help retrain your brain out of the comparison cycle pattern that you are caught in.
